I wasn’t always a vulcan

Discussing parallel time lines with mrk — possible worlds, how things would have to have being in order for you not to have met this person, done that thing and the like… Necessities and possibilities; within the conversation I cite the fact that even when I was with my ex-boyfriend I still loved mrk more, and I remembered that I loved him unconditionally, that me and my ex-boyfriend at some point, and sexually as well became one.

It’s funny how you can remember such things about yourself and be surprised. I was capable of such feelings, I loved someone with terrifying intensity. And even as I write this, there’s another part of me, or my personalities rather, that finds this boring, childish, and self-deceiving. Well, this personality does not have a say in this; I think it’s possible to observe a time period in your life objectively (or perhaps, not subjectively, or as objectively as possible?) and come to analyse the cause of your behaviour: to explain my psyche at that time, to account for certain aspects of my social behaviour, we turn to: love. Bizarre.
I remember from a detached point of view, I remember what I felt, and I remember the mechanics, the emotional and physical symptoms, I know from introspective and external feedback that I have a ‘healthy’ (for lack of a better word) outlook and understanding of my past relationship–still I can’t grasp the phenomenology of those emotions at all. I don’t know how ‘erotic love’ feels like anymore; but I’m sure I once knew.