mind your own business

I recently had one of those lightbulb moments.

Sometimes they feel like clicks, e.g. when part of your body is misaligned and then it goes back to place and you can tell because it feels right.
This time it was more like a letting go. E.g. when part of your body is carrying tension and you only realise when you lie on the floor for what feels like a very long long time and then you let go of the tension and you can tell because it feels right.

The story is universal. It instantiates itself when your mind struggles because of others. Because you watch Troubled Friends you love treating themselves badly, ignoring their needs, being their selves worst enemies, and so on and so forth. Addictions, break ups, conflict, and the rest. And it upsets you that they won’t help themselves. That they refuse to see the problem. That if only they did x, y, z or realised such–and–such, then!

This is what happens. You think to yourself. If I were in his situation, what would I do? What have I done in the past? Or more `objectively’, what would be the optimal way to deal with this situation? You fancy yourself a caring person. And it upsets you that your Troubled Friend just won’t see this! And then you start feeling angry because they refuse to help themselves. And disappointed. Because you care.

Here’s the thing. It’s none of your business. You are not your Trouble Friend. It’s not about you. It’s not about how you would deal with things, what you expect from yourself, how it was for you when… Stop expecting things from yourself, stop setting standards you have to meet and then you let go of the persons you think other people ought to be.

Your mind struggled because of you. Not others.