forgiveness

I have forgiven my mum. To do this I had to accept that she did what she could under the circumstances. Then there was nothing to forgive.
This is the key to self–forgiveness too.

surrender

Why make an effort?
It’s all really simple.
I still think it works like magic.
No point in trying.
Either do it, or don’t.
There’s no middle ground in existence. Facts are facts.

the straight way

The straight way is geared towards the establishment of a relationship. This is done via the act of dating. Dating is when “you get to know each other.” Straight people claim that they need to get to know each other to see if they are compatible. This however may not be the full story for the following reason: assuming that sexual compatibility is a necessary condition for the establishment of a successful relationship then in order for a potential couple to establish if they are indeed compatible they must have sex. However, most potential couples abstain from sex until — would you have guessed it — they get to know each other.

So if getting to know each other is not geared towards establishment of sexual compatibility then towards what end? Surely, there is more to a relationship than sex. There is love, and who the person “really is”, and the other’s character traits that are also indicative of compatibility. And so on. Must not these things be established first, before sex?
I say they should be established in parallel if not after sex. It takes time to… get to know someone. But it doesn’t take long to establish if there is sexual chemistry and mutual attraction. That ought to be the starting point because if the sexual chemistry is not there, then the rest of the relationship is not going to work on an erotic level now is it?

So why do straight men and women, who are not sexually conservative, resist having sex on the first date? Some people are simply not that much into sex. This is unfortunate if the other person is so this ought to be put on the table early on. A major difference in sexual appetite is a red flag. Otherwise, perhaps the reluctance to have sex has to do with lack of sexual confidence. This is also unfortunate. From my own selfish perspective it is unfortunate because it is too costly to me to deal with the other person’s insecurities. I’ve been there and done that and I’m staying well away. It is also unfortunate because sometimes the root (in men) is a small cock. And again from my own selfish perspective, size matters.

Sometimes, confidence may not be at issue. Some people simply want to “make love” not fuck. This is a bit of a catch 22. I personally prefer fucking to making love and would miss a good fuck if the only thing I got was kind, gentle, considerate, romantic love making. All the time!? Making love is great but to make love you have to be in love and also love the other person. But to do that you have to get to know each other. But how are you going to get to know each other if you don’t know if you’re sexually compatible? The physical aspect of erotic love is one of its main difference to friendship. Love does not come first. Erotic love emerges through sex.

knock knock

My beloved diary of sorts, I have kept quiet for a while.
Deadlines, stress, thoughts, holidays away from my trusted friend my computer and the internet, and now a mass of happenings which don’t like language. All these and more while being wholly present, at times. Pregnant silences are silent. They are not noisy. They do not get written. I am moving away from intellectualisation and distractions; to re–establish my bond with philosophy by breaking the attachment, I seek.

And because so much happens when you let it happen (the moment) I am overwhelmed.

I surrender.