acid ramblings

[Not much of a read and not particularly coherent but here's ramblings from a recent night of acid. Not the first, and one of these days, a much more interesting story waiting to be told about a summer acid adventure with Kundalini awakenings and Goddesses' manifestations... I've just edited the names from what follows, nothing else:]

happy to be tripping
to be enjoying myself in london
with good friends whom i love
and a willingness to say now
let’s go outside and hang

let the poetries of the night begin — 21:28 Monday 25 August

21:35 I’ve come to fetch my plant which I love –
take out and be with company my friend

22:09 Time for real cheese
Bonie Tyler Total Eclipse of the Heart
Now what a classic hehe — cigarette voice
husky now (but in ten years’ check her out on Never Mind the Buzzcocks) or perhaps slightly bit unbearable?

22:29 is this a nice number?
time to peeeeeeee

00:28 The great acid movie suggestion: David Lynch (kinda), Dune.
Meanwhile acid toxic orange bag makes a come back, much to Mrk’ discomfort. Cok, enjoy with me the miracles of the bag. I’m sure G will appreciate too!

02:28 Cannot resist, since dropping by, to say hello
and be off again next door

02:56 Me and Cok will watch `Atonement’, Cok thinks it’s a girl thing. Époque

03:34 Now that we have a toilet again, I might as well use it.

05:35 We might consider going to bed.

how I met the daemon baby, really

When I first talked about meeting the daemon bay I was intentionally unclear. This was a turning point in my spiritual life and I am now ready to be transparent.

First experience this: Feeling of cold and terror. Starting to tremble and naturally hunch. Then immediately after: feeling a foreign presence travel your body and emerge from the left side of your skull.
See this: dark brown fumes coming out of your body.

This in the middle of the day, broad daylight. Complete and total sobriety.
This an experience that can only make sense and be explained in the backdrop of a cluster of New Age dogmas/teachings.

The move. From: practicing meditation, yoga and using New Age language but with a `healthy scepticism’ and an unwillingness to be literal. To: a surrender to those things on heaven and earth that a certain kind of thinking (the analytic, rational tradition of anglo–saxonic philosophy) does not ordinarily touch.

The move is not really that radical because it comes gradually and slowly. You will move only at a pace that your mind and body allows.

Create this: persistent thoughts directed at a person will of course influence your relationship with them. Take this a step further: focus and direct your whole being — thoughts, emotions, physical states — about a person and change your relationship with them by changing yourself.
Again — this is not radical. You will come to this in various ways. Though psychotherapy, thought, interaction, instinctively. Whatever.
Do this consistently and methodically and you have New Age practice.

Language fails. Only direct acquaintance works.
Perhaps — and this is what’s happened to me — at some point, and probably inevitably, you will have an experience that demands of you to overcome scepticism and, take a leap of faith.

virtuous living

There is an attitude to life owing much to people such as Immanuel Kant which looks to conflict as an indication of virtue. What the hell do I mean? How can you tell that you’re doing THE RIGHT THING? Well, because you do it even though it’s difficult, at great cost, despite great resistance. That you do it and face the consequences. I think of branches of Christian morality where self–sacrifice is elevated and selfishness is branded, now and for ever, as evil.

Well, sometimes damnit, the right thing to do is also the easiest thing to do and bringing on extra conflict and pain and struggle to rigidly uphold virtues is nearly stupid. Sometimes, being selfish makes sense. And let’s bring back selfishness please. First look to the self and aim at your happiness before going on meddling in other people’s lives. Know thyself and your limits and how much of yourself to keep, give and what the best way to grow is. First.

What the hell do I mean? To make all this less abstract this is what I mean. I’ve failed a degree and have not let my parents know. Why? Because letting them know right now will not change much and it will be easier for me (first and foremost) and for them (a lazy second) if I let them know later, not now. This is THE WRONG THING TO DO because I’m lying to them. Lying is bad for the soul. But telling the truth will bring about a lot of conflict. Between my parents and myself. (Another story another day.) And in my parents’ lives. It will make the next year considerably more difficult for everyone involved. And for what? So that I can keep hold of my self–perception as `the one who speaks the truth no matter what’? But I will benefit more if I lie. I will have time to heal, figure things out, and time will make it easier on my parents. (Rather than: oh I have no degree, no career and now I’m off for a year to teach English in China and travel. Instead: oh I’m back, oh and I have a job, and by the way I’ve failed my MPhil but don’t worry I got a Masters instead. :) )

Well, time to grow up. I let go of guilt and self-perceptions.
I aim at HARMONY not TRUTH.

sensual pleasure is here to stay

Some sex has been coming my way lately and it’s good to remember this particular branch of sensual pleasure. Other kinds include running, dancing, swimming, laughing, playing. And people forget that sex — broadly construed — is one of them because they’re so damn focused on the genitalia and orgasms that they lose sight of the fact that sex is necessary because it’s a key way of interacting with one’s environment. This includes your own body but also someone else’s. It’s about movement and joy and it’s great fun.
I’ve been reminded of all this because this new guy is very comfortable with his body and for the first time in very long someone adores every inch of my body and pays attention to all of it rather than just the pussy. This helps involve the entirety of the physical body in sensual pleasure and helps remind that sex is an exercise in joy.

we should all be more like seven-year-olds

So, I’m on a speedboat with dad and uncle and driver and the sea is choppy and of course I’m loving it. The driver is a wee bit concerned and has my dad and uncle seat down and me stand up next to him while he’s steering. On a particularly bumpy bit I slip and fall on a hole and cut my leg. You can see the open wound and the flesh looks like brain. Cool. I feel very dizzy since I’ve been swimming for a long while before that and haven’t eaten anything. No matter. We have the wound wrapped up and eat fish. Then drive back home, drop my granny off and have coffee at her place and then go to the hospital where I get six stitches.
Now I have to come up with a cool story to explain the scar.
The story has variants but it always involves a Ninja who engages me in mortal combat whose ass I ultimately kick but not before Ninja’s Ninja star finds my leg. And to my surprise I find more than one gullible soul who buys story. But the greatest of them all is my baby cousin who’s about seven. Not because she buys the story. But because she doesn’t think twice about it. It’s not a cool story about something I did. It’s simply a story she believes (why shouldn’t she?) about something that’s happened to me. No more and no less. I could have told her that I was flying and she’d have the same reaction — shrug shoulders and move on to her next adventure. Now that’s cool.

a start, somehow

I’m being difficult. I need to say what I think about failing my MPhil. Damn. I need to say how I feel about failing my MPhil. I forget or don’t realise. Really I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked. The story I need to tell in order to explain this can be summed up in this: I could not live in a world where I failed to meet my expectations. Perhaps this is a start, I’ll explain some other day.

win-win

It ought to be said for those who still have failed to realise.

If you’re with a girl, whether this be for a single night or not, go for the pussy. This is strategically optimal. Make her happy with cunningulus cunnilingus and then, a) she won’t mind if you you come quickly during penetrative sex and b) she will pay more attention to your cock. This is a win-win.

Thank you ___ for a great cunningulus cunnilingus :) .