doing business in China

In China when you deal with business you deal you go round round round in circles to end up somewhere completely different from where you began having no idea how you got there.

girl turns crazy, flatmate tries to ignore

[I chose not to put this entry up when I wrote it. Only the afterthought. How dramatic.]

Perhaps the way to start this is by shouting.

It’s not fair that you should judge me by my worst.
It’s not fair that you should judge me by my worst and never say anything.
It’s not fair that you should judge me by my worst and never say anything and decide on your own what conclusions to draw.
Coward. Confront me.
Too late too late but what if you had said something? What if you said, look you here now you’re driving me crazy. Look you here now you’re being self–destructive. What if you discussed it with someone thinking of practical solutions and approaches? (I’m responsive to that.)
Instead, you mulled and moped and worked on blocking me out and not caring and bitching about me.
And now traumatised and prone to exaggeration you’ll remember the worst and call me a freak.
I turned crazy and you worked on your defenses. With your holier than thou — you can only help yourself — bullshit. You could have changed your reactions and have worked on being more constructive but you didn’t. I was unable to change my reactions and to the extent that I could I did. I even dared to recognise my need and ask you for help. Eventually. Pointless.
And now to our friends I’m the freak that made your life hell. They will never want to live with me either.
Judging me by my worst. Here I am going round in circles again — this can all be summed up in one sentence:

Girl turns crazy, flatmate tries to ignore.

Fuck you.